The Lit Worker

Drug addicts suck! In my experience, here are some clear signs right off the top of my head that a person is up to no good:

· Takes breaks frequently, often away from their workstation
· Complains about the brightness of the lights in office
· Misplaces their debit card in the restroom
· Saves drinking straws, cuts it short with an angle at the end
· Listens to music at high volumes, gets upset when asked to turn it down
· Has a constant case of the munchies
· Introverted, not very social with coworkers
· Often displaying paranoia or deep worry when personal questions are asked
· Sneaky, very cautious behavior around those in authority
· Leaving premises on a lunch break and returning with a drastic change in attitude
· Unusual knowledge and understanding of narcotics and prescription drugs
· Limited eye contact, feeling of guilt
· Bloodshot eyes and new excuses for the reasons why
· Regularly late, with wild and off-the-wall excuses
· Forgetful in performing routine tasks
· Complains about room temperatures, how it’s always hot
· Strong use of perfumes and colognes 

Take it from me, do everything you can to keep drug users from being hired or remaining on payroll. Designing a policy to drug screen will reduce on-the-job accidents and worker compensation costs. If you do random drug tests, you’ll greatly reduce these liabilities and increase productivity because drug testing sifts out the careless slackers who are more prone to stealing and causing accidents.

I’ve personally noticed an improvement in morale at work from a commitment to provide a safe and drug-free work environment. It mainly stems from keeping employees out of the cumbersome situation of covering for lit coworkers.

While concrete evidence supporting drug testing's potency in thwarting employees from using drugs is insubstantial, one cannot discount the fact that eliminating a bona fide pot head, or prescription drug addict, has a positive effect on the bottom line.